Negativity Bias and a Distorted Sense of Self

Negativity bias has a profound impact on how many neurodivergent individuals experience themselves, and how they assume others perceive them.

As an AuDHDer, I often notice how this bias, combined with black-and-white thinking and the “now/not now” experience of time, drives a relentless pursuit of perfection. 

If something isn’t done perfectly, it can feel like failure. And if I’m going to do something, I feel I have to do it all, immediately. There’s little room for iteration or grace.

This morning I realised (yet again) I’d run out of bread and needed to buy some before making breakfast for my kids. Frustrated with myself, I rushed to the shop, questioning why even simple routines can feel so hard to prepare for.

While there, I decided to stock up on cereal, and, being mindful of my neurodivergent children’s preferences, I called home to check what they wanted. I didn’t realise a shop employee had overheard the call until he approached me afterward. He simply said:

“That was such a loving and heartwarming conversation. Not many parents talk to their kids like that.”

It caught me off guard. His words, unprompted, genuine, and from a complete stranger, completely shifted my day.

When people close to me tell me I’m doing well as a parent, I often doubt it. I assume they’re being kind or don’t see the behind-the-scenes reality. 

But this stranger, with no context or reason to offer praise other than having witnessed a single moment, gave me something incredibly grounding: a reminder that maybe, even in the chaos, I’m doing okay.

This moment reminded me how powerful it is to be seen, heard, and acknowledged, especially when our internal narrative tells us we’re falling short.

Life as a Co-parenting AuDHD mum of neurodiverse children comes with its own unique journey, and sometimes I forget to focus on the strengths I bring to my family, amidst the chaos.

For many neurodivergent people, external validation can serve as a lifeline for recalibrating a distorted sense of self. Sometimes, the smallest interactions can have the biggest impact.

If you’ve ever had a small moment of unexpected kindness that helped reset your inner narrative — I’d love to hear about it.