Rewriting the Story: Language, Late Diagnosis, and the Truth about Being Neurodivergent

In my work as an ADHD coach, I meet many people who carry years, decades, of masking, confusion, and deeply ingrained shame. When they receive a diagnosis, it’s rarely a neat or simple moment. It’s an identity shift, an unravelling of the story they thought they knew about themselves.

It’s the moment they begin to meet the self they were all along.

But too often, the language that surrounds that moment is still written in deficit, from neurotypical standards.

Language Shapes How We See Ourselves

Neurodivergent people often process language on a deeper, internal level, especially after a lifetime of being misunderstood or mislabelled. That is why it’s so important how we talk about ourselves and to each other.

Take the phrase ‘you’re not broken’.

It’s meant to be kind, but it carries an echo of brokenness. It’s like saying ‘don’t think of an elephant’ - your brain can’t help but think of an elephant.

What could happen if we reworded it? If instead we said: ‘You’re beautifully neurodivergent’

There’s nothing to fix. Just a difference to understand, support and honour.

Rethinking the ‘Superpower Narrative’

I understand some people find the ‘ADHD is a superpower’ narrative empowering, and I respect that. Somehow, to me, it also seems reminiscent of a version of ADHD built around young boys, and not the growing number of adults, especially women and non-binary folks, being diagnosed later in life.

The truth?

Our strengths aren’t comic book powers. They’re real. They’re often hard-won. And they exist alongside our struggles. By framing our brilliance as something almost magical or unreal, we risk ignoring the reality of what it takes to thrive in a world that wasn’t built for our brains.

What if Diagnoses Focused on Strength?

Imagine if your diagnostic report listed your creativity, your insight, your persistence, instead of just executive function ‘deficit’ and emotional ‘dysregulation’.

What if your self-understanding post-diagnosis began with recognition of your resilience?

Because, sadly, the diagnosis alone doesn’t come with a guarantee of support, accommodations, or clarity. Many times, it brings more questions than answers.

My Turning Point

One of the most powerful moments in my own journey came when my ADHD coach asked me:

‘Is your inner voice as kind to you as it is to others?’

It stopped me in my tracks. Because the truth was far from it. My voice had become fixed on every perceived failure, every moment of shame my diagnosis had brought to the spotlight. I was so used to self-criticism that I hadn’t considered self-compassion was an option.

That question opened me to a new way of thinking, of being. And slowly, I began to rewrite my internal narrative.

Let’s Change the Way We Speak - and Think

Words are powerful. When we use them consciously and with care, we can shift the way we see ourselves, and support others.

Let’s begin talking to and about ourselves the way we would a person we love or admire. Meeting yourself with honesty and gentleness after a lifetime of misunderstanding is no small thing.

If this resonates

If you’re on your own late-diagnosis journey, or just starting recognise you might be ‘beautifully neurodivergent’, I’m currently offering discounted ADHD coaching, for a limited time. No pressure, no judgement, just someone walking beside you as you find your own way.

Let’s rewrite the story - together.